War of the Time Lords: The Fake Season 25

Chase - Posted on 08 August 2009

In April, just before the real season 25 was to be set up, this April Fool's joke was published in Jersey Jagaroth's MOUTH ON LEGS newsletter.

Like the TRIAL season (gag, gag, gag) this story would have separate parts but form a whole story. The first two parts are called INHERITANCE OF THE DALEKS...by Ben Ahrenevich

Episode 1: The story opens on Skaro, where Davros is on trial for crimes against the Daleks. Before sentence can be passed, he is teleported from the courtroom and appears on a deserted asteroid. There he meets the Valeyard, who offers him an alliance against their mutual enemy--the Doctor of course. The Valeyard wants Davros to rebuild The Dalek's Time Destructor which they would use to conquer Gallifrey. By using the weapon on the Time Lords, it would force them to regenerate--either back to their first regeneration or forward to their last. These would be passed on to the Valeyard, making him virtually immortal. To conquer Gallifrey, however, he needs the help of other renegade Time Lords, who he plans to gather from different points in time and space. Once the weapon is complete, the Valeyard tricks Davros, leaving him to die on the deserted asteroid, then heads for Gallifrey to being his plan for revenge.  No Doctor or Ace in this episode. A ten foot glass Dalek appears.

Episode 2: On Gallifrey, the High Council Chamber of the Time Lords has been destroyed. The Time Lords have all been killed: aged beyond their last regenerations. The only person left alive is the Lady President (Lnda Bellingham, Inquistor), her dying hand on a blinking recall button. Suddenly, the Doctor's TARDIS materializes in the Chamber and the Doctor emerges, followed by Ace. The President tells them that the Valeyard has attacked Gallifrey, using a mysterious weapon to destroy them. Just as she dies, the Valeyard steps into view, wielding the Time Destructor. The Doctor and Ace manage to get into the Tardis before it can be fired but the Valeyard infroms them that Gallifrey has been placed in a statsis field, so that no one can escape, either through time or space. That said, he departs to gather his fellow renegades as the Doctor and Ace watch... (JNT may appear as a Time Lord, James Bree as the Keeper also appears)

THE REVENGE OF THE VALEYARD  (eps3 -4) by Pip and Jane Baker, and Andrew Cartmel

Episode 3: The Doctor tells Ace that Gallifrey's only hope is to enlist the help of Rassilon and sets the TARDIS to materializes in the Death Zone. Meanwhile, the Valeyard beings to gather his fellow renegades. He travels to Lakertya where he rescues the Rani from the Tetraps. Back on Gallifrey, the Doctor and Ace are captured by Shobogans while crossing the wastelands. They are brought before the leader of the tribe, who turns out to be the Doctor's former companion...Leela...

Episode 4: Once convinced it is the Doctor, Leela reveals to him that she has been living with the Shobogans since the death of Andred, her husband and she agrees to escort the Doctor through the Death Zone to the Tower of Rassilon. Meanwhile, the Valeyard gains another ally on the planet Karn, using the Time Destructor to regenerate the broken body of Morbius to his original form. Given the oppurtunity to destroy the Doctor and Gallifrey, Morbius agrees to join the other renegades. Back on Gallifrey, as the Doctor and his companions approach the Tower of Rassilon, they are stopped by a gleaming silver figure: the Raston Warrior Robot...

Episode 5: The Raston Robot has patrolled the Death Zone since being left by the Time Scoop. It decimates the ranks of the Shobogans and the Doctor manages to immobilize it, he is too late to save Leela, who is struck by one of the spears and dies in his arms. Elsewhere, the Valeyard finds his third ally in Omega, who enraged by his betrayal by the Time Lords, throws in with the others. The renegades then travel to a barren ice planet where they find the Meddling Monk. The harsh planet has forced him to regenerate once already and he gladly accepts the Valeyard's invitation. Back on Gallifrey, the Doc and Ace enter the tomb of Rassilon, evading traps. There is a wavering in the air and Rassilon appears, promising to destroy the one who has disturbed his sleep... 

Episode 6: Speaking quickly, the Doctor starts to explain what has happened on Gallifrey, but the spectral figure of the Time Lord already knows. He tells the Doctor that the Valeyard has begun to gather other renegades and that he too must find allies of his own. He waves his hand and the Doc's body shimmers and splits. The glow subsides adn the Doc finds himself surrounded by his first, third and fifth incarnations. Rassilon tells him that one more allly has agreed to help them save Gallifrey and the Master steps into view....



Episode 7: Rassilon uses his powers to breach the stasis field around Gallifrey and dispatches the Doctor, his other selves and the Master to gather allies. The Master travels to Earth's far future to find Sudan. They encounter Daleks, who still control part of Earth as well as the Rani, who has sworn to destroy the Master...

Episode 8: The first Doctor travels to Tibet to find his former master Cho Je (KAnop). They are ambushed by the Monk, but the Doctor, Cho Je and the Great Lama escape, using several Yeti to occupy the Monk's Tardis...

Episode 9: The third Doctor travels to Cambridge University where a much younger Prof Chronitis has just made his new home. They are pursued by Morbius, who remembers the two Time Lords from their days on Gallifrey...

Episode 10: The 5th Doctor searches out Drax on Atrios, where Drax is engaged in building a new version of the super computer Mentalis. They are captured by Omega, but using the new Mentalis, the Doc is able to link the minds of the Atrian people against the will of the evil Time Lord Omega. The Doc escapes.

Episode 11-12: the 7th Doctor and Ace journey into E Space to find Romana, who has been helping Tharils free their race from slavery. Also making this journey is the Valeyard who uses the Time Destructor on Romana, devolving her back into her first regeneration. Also appearing is K9 mark 2, who is destroyed by the evil Time Lord...

GALLIFREY     by Stephen Wyatt

Episodes 13-14: the final two episodes are still under wraps but the end is a secret. The only info we have is the death of Ace, stabbed in the side by the Valeyard (hooray!!!).


Apparently, Ace walks out of a hut and the Valeyard stabs her. There is a Tharill Council room someplace close. Valeyard tells Ace she was a thorn in his side and a constant distraction to him. Ace asks him if he is going to bore her to death or talk her to death (one or the other). So he stabs her before she can get Nitro 9 out of her rucksack. She appears to be lying, dying on a wooden floor. The Doctor suddenly remembers what's bothering him: Ace is missing. Someone named Krell tells him he hasn't seen her. 

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