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LOST IN SPACE-Prisoners of Space, The Android Machine,


Chase - Posted on 19 September 2009

PRISONERS OF SPACE

WRITER-BARNEY SLATER

DIR-NATHAN JURAN

 

NARRATION: Last week, as you recall, we left Will assisting Dr. Smith's secret experiments in wine making, unaware that within moments, they and our entire space family would be hopelessly imprisoned by mysterious unseen aliens. NOTE: Again, the narration is wrong--Will isn't really helping in the experiment--he was just a lookout for Smith's "surprise" and it is really bad form to have a child helping with alcohol anyway!

 

TEASER--not fully recapped--missing Smith foolishness before monster appears.

 

Night--Will checks outside a series of rocks behind which Smith has his wine making machine on a table. It is connected to the Robot--Robot acts as a power supply to the machine. NOTE: This short section seems to have been refilmed with the omitted foolishness by Smith removed from this newly filmed cliffhanger into teaser. Smith wants to keep up the steady flow of current. Robot yells, "Warning! Alien presence!"  Smith scoffs, "It appears to me you have alien presence on the mind lately."  He tries to get Will to check outside but Will tells him, "The Robot's never wrong."  Smith says, "Sometimes he is."  A one eyed hairy, two legged monster, his eye on an eye stalk (and from THE MAGIC MIRROR) emerges from the rocks, carrying a strange decahedron box-like device. Smith screams and pulls Will to him, asking Robot to do something. Robot cannot--his power supply is drained and extremely low. Will gasps, "He hasn't got enough power for an electrical charge!"  They run. The monster knocks over the kegs and wine barrels, running after! Smith is alone but Will startles him by tapping him on the shoulder. Smith tells him not to be skulking behind rocks. They run, hearing it. Robot follows them. The monster also follows.  Racing into camp, pure pandemonium occurs, Smith and Will talking at the same time, the Robot yelling, "Warning, Warning!"  Smith calls, "Turn on the forcefield, arm yourselves! Everyone inside!"  He collides with Penny and Judy on the dirt ramp (now metallic), one screams. Don comes out with two rifles. John tries to get Will by the shoulders to tell him, "Dad! We're being followed by some kind of..."  he points as it emerges from the night, "...MONSTER!"  It comes up to a rock. Maureen moves to Will; John and Don move to the rock. Don says, "That's close enough."  John says, "Let's see what it's gonna do."  It puts the box down, its arms up. It leaves. The box has a device on it which opens up. A strange voice calls to them, by order of the Galactic Tribunal of Justice, which is responsible for judging and punishing all crimes committed in interstellar space, calls the Robinsons and Major Don West to hold themselves in readiness for testifying--a formal indictment. An electric fence pops into being around the campsite (and we can see the footprints of the production crew appear and vanish as each piece of fence appears--pretty bad effect actually but neat all the same). The voice warns it is energized. They should all consider themselves under house arrest. John throws a large rock at the fence and it blows apart into nothingness!

 

ACT ONE

The girls and Smith emerge from the spaceship as Robot tells John an audio unit on solar energy uses ultra radio frequencies to send the voice of the alien to the box. It does not compute. The fence is fatal if touched. Maureen tells them they are not guilty of any crimes--the Galaxy Tribunal of Justice has made a mistake. Maureen and Smith discuss justice. Don agrees with Smith that in space justice may be blind, telling them Smith wasn't named. Smith says, "I am without guilt. Oh, I may have a few minor faults but after all to err occasionally is only human..."  Smith misquotes the Bible and the next bit from the Robot is one of the funniest lines of the entire show, "My computers have just had a reaction. If you'll excuse me--I think I'm going to be sick."  He wheels away past Don and John, away from Smith. Don claims they have the garden and Maureen says water, too. She feels in the morning it will all be declared a mistake. John worries, "An electric fence around the campsite could be dangerous."  Smith suggests he request the aliens let him out. Don comments on Smith's time with a bunch of jailbirds. Smith says, "I'm sure Professor Robinson and his family will be cleared but I fear for you, Major, you are very definitely the criminal type."  He goes in. Later that night, Smith slips out the door to the box, telling it he will place a small tape recorder in a strategic spot--this may prove the others innocent and the box aliens can return him to Earth. The alien voice tells him to go inside the spaceship. Spotlights are patrolling the area. Day: Maureen gives coffee to Don who is brooding. John tells him out with it. Don nods, "Sorry. What?"   John claims when Don has only one cup of coffee and doesn't eat breakfast, they know something's wrong. Don doesn't like this court business, telling them Smith happens to be right when he says the aliens think differently. Smith comes out and eats Don's breakfast. Maureen says, "You know we may have unintentionally broken some of the laws of space but the children were charged, too."  Smith says her children are perfect lambs. The box calls John Robinson to testify. Maureen says, "Oh John, don't go."  If he refuses, punishment will be met out to all. The box seems to be on a different rock--not on the one it was last night. John tells his wife, "Don't worry, darling. I'll be back."  He steps into the molecular transfer beam and vanishes. It goes up and Smith eats as he says, "Poor, Professor Robinson, poor, poor man. I wonder if we shall ever see him again."  In fog, John sits in a chair around two devices aimed at his head. There are also a giant fly, a strange statue, plankton monsters (from VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA-THE PRICE OF DOOM), a little (green) midget alien, a spiked brain, the one eyed (on a stalk) hairy monster, an Egyptian like statue with pointed ears, and a strange, barely seen very tall alien which has a ragged appearance to its body or some type of crystalline body--maybe even the one eyed giant body costume with a different head--the face is not seen from the front or clearly. The memory machine activates, moving closer to John's head. On a TV screen, in black and white, John sees his memories (and clips from THE RELUCTANT STOWAWAY). He sees Smith examining Will in the electro chair, then Smith saying, "I envy you on your adventure."  John tells the aliens the launch was perfect. We see the alien DERELICT blob monster at the desk of the judge. A spiked man-monster (VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA-NIGHT OF TERROR and THING FROM INNER SPACE) and a two headed bushman (THE RAFT and VOYAGE TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA-THE CONDEMNED, DEADLY CREATURE BELOW!, SECRET OF THE DEEP) stand on as a part of the jury. John tells the alien, "Dr. Smith was trapped in the Jupiter II at takeoff. His added weight upset our navigational balance."  When the aliens ask why they didn't return to Earth as John believed they could, John tells them, "Something went wrong with our Robot's programming."  The memory machine starts again and we see the Robot attack the Jupiter II from THE RELUCTANT STOWAWAY via new editing and new (and very good) music. Don yells on the TV, "We're going out of control."  The memory machine deactivates and John vanishes. The creatures go wild and prance around the room!

 

ACT TWO

Day--in the control room John tells the others what happened. Maureen says, "Why, it's like truth serum with pictures."  John adds, "Yes, they'll be very little lying in that courtroom."  Judy thinks John did well and so does Penny, defending him against Dr. Smith's usual negativity. They will all have to testify--the Memory Machine can only pick up one person's point of view. Maureen figures it is like putting the pieces of a puzzle together. When Smith complains some more when John tells him that his name came up but only in a cursory, minor way, Don says, "I know one thing the aliens aren't going to find. What pleasant memories our good Dr. Smith has locked away in that scheming mind of his."   Major Don West is hereby summoned to testify right then. John puts his arm around Judy as they watch Don go into and up in the beam. In his seat, Don is shown a wrench which was found floating in space. It was contaminated and was the one John lost when he was trying to repair navigational equipment. Memory Machine shows THE RELUCTANT STOWAWAY space walk and John's line snap. Don relays, "Dr. Smith claimed he checked the line out thoroughly just before John went out."  After the memory is shown, Don takes the blame, "The loss of the wrench was really my fault."  When the aliens blame Don for being afraid of spacewalking himself, Don tells them Prof. Robinson was in command, "I had to follow his orders. I had to let him do it himself."  The Judge claims another reason could be Don was afraid to do it himself. Don yells, "You're way out of line!"   He wants to make a statement but the Judge won't let him. He vanishes with the wrench. Robot is at the garden, watering. Smith thinks into space, sitting on a rock. Robot mentions coleslaw as well as cornbeef and cabbage. Smith loathes corn beef and cabbage, calling the Robot a parsimonious puppet. "Why wasn't I indicted--I'm as guilty of mistakes as any of the others."  Robot says, "That is an understatement if I ever heard one--in my opinion you are responsible for ALL the mistakes."  Smith snaps, "Hold your tongue, you bubble headed booby,"  fearing the place is wired. Robot checks it and there are no mikes or wires. Smith says, "One never knows what those monsters are up to."   Will is testifying about the time they spotted THE DERELICT spacecraft. "We first sighted the DERELICT spaceship when we were lost in space."   They watch the space colonists defrosted by Will as Judge Iko explains, by defrosting the colonists, Will shortened their life span. Will says, "I'm really sorry, sir, I didn't know."  Iko sees this as sincere but tells him that ignorance is not an excuse but he is young, "We cannot allow trespassers from the Earth to come into space, break our laws, then go unpunished."  Will, sitting in the chair in mist, asks if they can start over again. Iko and the jury will consider this. "One more thing, the Tribunal has a message for Dr. Smith--tomorrow he will be summoned to testify. William Robinson, you are dismissed."  Will vanishes.

 

ACT THREE

Day--Don noticed Smith's stomach is empty--he missed breakfast and Don doesn't believe it. Judy wonders if he is afraid of the memory machine. Don realizes for the first time in his life, Smith will have to tell the truth. John doesn't blame Smith for hiding and explain this to Don, "That courtroom is not a very friendly place."  The girls are glad the tribunal called Smith before they were. Will defends Smith to Don, "Dr. Smith is really worried and he's all alone."  Maureen allows an asking Will to go find him and tell him she has a lovely meat loaf--she'll save his and he and Dr. Smith can eat together. When Will finds Smith and the Robot he says, "I can think of no one I'd rather spend my last moments of freedom with."  He has a 6th sense about these things and he is doomed. Robot agrees, "Your fate is indeed sealed..."  if he testifies. Robot has an escape plan. Smith pouts, asking how, sprout wings and fly? Robot says, "You will never have to worry about becoming an angel, Dr. Smith."  Smith calls him a disreputable dunderhead. They three plot, all shushhing each other. Night--Robot's body shields Will and Smith from the spotlights, both hold shovels, and sneak out of the ship. The alien voice (Iko?) asks, "Who goes there?"  When they ask why he is not asleep like the others, Robot tells them, "A robot does not need sleep!!!" (WRONG: See or rather don't see--TWO WEEKS IN SPACE where Robot does indeed sleep--more than once). After the spotlight moves, Will says--for no reason at all, "I've got the shovels."  Smith keeps telling him to be quiet as does the Robot. Will says, "I'm quiet!"  a few times. The hapless (and at this point unfunny) trio go behind and to the side of the spaceship camp. Will starts to dig; Smith watches. Later, the light arrives at them, Smith dives into the hole; Will behind the Robot. Robot lies: he tells the aliens one of his computers needs adjustment. Unless he moves soon, the aliens will destroy him and in so doing, destroy Will who is behind him. Smith is able to crawl under the electric fence. Morning---Smith is summoned. Don and John go back behind the spaceship to find him, thinking he is hiding. Will almost immediately tells the box that Dr. Smith is gone--he escape last night. All will be punished--to 5 years on Prison Planet Dalfirm (or Dalphrem). Will asks to be released to find Smith since he is the one who helped him escape. The Robot asks to go with him: their mission to find and return Smith to testify. A part of the fence vanishes, allowing the duo to pass out of it. The box tells them they have two hours to find Smith.

 

ACT FOUR

Will and Robot search. They have 42 minutes and 16 seconds left. NOTE: It sure took them a long time to figure out Smith is probably at the wine distilling unit! Robot knows where Smith is and when they find him, they have only 24 minutes and 10 seconds. Will is happy when he finds Smith but when Smith drinks and reveals he won't go, Will moves off, depressed, his hand on his head as he leans near a rock. Robot picks Smith up off a chair and tells him he will bodily carry him back to the camp. One way, he can earn back Will's respect--by going voluntarily; the other way, he is a coward. Smith agrees and tells Will. "When the welfare of the group is involved, then the individual must make the sacrifice."  He also quotes A TALE OF TWO CITIES, "It's a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done before."  He moves off, calling Robot a ridiculous roustabout. Back at camp, Smith says his sad goodbyes, "Well my dear boy, I'm afraid we've come to the parting of the ways."  Will says, "You'll be back, sir."  Maureen says, "We're all wishing you the best of luck, Dr. Smith."   Smith, sincere, says, "Thank you, dear, dear, lady."  Smith goes, waving. They watch him rise up in the beam. On the Memory Machine, the trial watches Smith from THE RELUCTANT STOWAWAY when he was hiding in the cubby chair. Smith claims he was only resting, "My heart was with these space pioneers and I was only there to make sure their trip was a safe one."  They view Smith's sabotage of the Robot. A giant spider, in the courtroom, watches and growls. When Smith lies, the viewscreen on the machine shows only static. We hear sound effects from FANTASTIC VOYAGE which were used for the TIME TUNNEL sound effects. Smith tells the aliens he has the highest regard for aliens. They view the DERELICT where Smith shoots the laser pistol at the derelict blob-alien. Will says on the screen, "You ruined everything!"   Smith says confesses--sort of, "It was an accident. I really didn't mean them any harm."  Then he gets up and complains, more out of fear--it was just a few slimy bubble like creatures that were destroyed. He demands to see the judge and jury. He is allowed--Judge Iko's light goes on to reveal to Smith (but not us--we've already seen him) that Iko is one of those slimy bubble like creatures. Smith screams and runs---also seeing some of his "peers"  from outer space. Smith sees the two headed bubble bush man from THE RAFT and yells, "Take them away! Take them away!"  Smith returns to his seat. Iko reveals the Robinson party has been found not guilty. Smith gets up to go but is told to sit back down. His case is being tried separately---he is responsible for all the crimes charged and found guilty. Sentence will be passed tomorrow. Smith is dismissed and all the creatures run around wildly, happy. Day--John at the table outside, passes a paper to Don, who laughs as he reads it, thinking Smith will never go for this plan. John laughs, "He'll have to if he wants to get out of this one."  When Maureen laughs and asks if he has any other way, John asks, "Well, you have better ideas?"  He tells her, laughingly, to sign it. Judy brings Penny and Will from behind the ship to sign it. Smith arrives. John tells Smith they will sign a petition to seek clemency in his case; Don elaborates some more. Smith feels it is futile--his time is up. John says, "Well, it won't hurt trying."

 

Smith takes the petition up from Judy and reads it: "We the undersigned do hereby swear and agree that Doctor Zachary Smith cannot be held accountable for his past actions as he was mentally and emotionally disturbed."

 

Smith goes ballistic, "You're saying that I'm insane! I, how dare you!"  He goes on to scream and holler, John puts his finger to his ear. Maureen smiles, "Dr. Smith, it does seem to be the only way."  Smith refuses--he will go to jail for 100 years. John says, "Well, Dr. Smith if you'd rather not."  "The very idea!"  Smith continues to yell but Don scares Smith into thinking about the alien brand of punishment--perhaps torture or some other fiendish method, "Who knows what the aliens are capable of doing?"  Smith gives the paper to Judy to sign, then Penny and Will, telling Will to get the Robot to sign his name as an X. Smith rants and raves, "Who cares if the whole universe thinks I am insane. I'm as sane as I ever was--I'm even saner than I ever was...!" When he realizes how he sounds, he stops and says, "Oh dear."  Penny and Maureen smile at him. Night--Robot mimics Smith's movements, following him as he paces, telling Smith that motion relieves his sensory tension. It has been 3 hours, 12 minutes, and 5 seconds since they gave the petition in. Don, at the table with John and Maureen, says, "Smith's off his rocker and if it's plain to us it's bound to be apparent to the aliens."  The aliens contact them and put Smith in the custody of the Robot. The fence vanishes piece by piece--and we can see the footprints of those production people who took it away vanish and appear between frames. The Robot plays it up--telling Smith he will work hard, go to bed early. Smith looks up and calls the aliens back, saying, "The pain, the pain."

 

CLIFFHANGER: Robot teaches Will and Penny lessons. "The plants on this planet do not follow the Earth method of transpiration. This plant, similar to an Earth cactus needs no moisture at all."  Smith, laying nearby against a rock, calls the Robot a tiresome thesaurus--and wonders why the Robot was chosen as their teacher when he is available. Penny and Will tell him he is supposed to be quiet when the Robot is teaching. Smith gets up and moves off, going to another area--where he finds a tree (blue trees and bushes) covered rectangular alien machine. Penny looks, "Where'd Dr. Smith go?"  Will says, "Search me."  Penny moves off to find him as he experiments with the machine which he thinks is a painting device, showing pictures on a screen. Robot and Will come. Robot warns, "Alien transpiration machine. Do not touch it!"  Smith tells him to be quiet, calling him a gregarious gremlin. Smith presses a button to print the picture. Lightning and thunder come out of no where. Penny, followed by Will and Smith run to a rock as blasts occur and smoke hits the rock. A blast occurs and a silver dressed, silver skinned female humanoid figure appears--robotic and android-like, hands up--in a tube device.

 

TO BE CONTINUED NEXT WEEK SAME TIME, SAME CHANNEL

 

REVIEW: Despite some widely wild humor, this episode can be enjoyed on its own level. Some of the sequences, for once, are really very funny--especially of note is the scene where Smith realizes what the petition reads. Also the Robot mimicking Smith at the finale and almost all of Don's lines are extremely well done--funny and entertaining. I can't say much for Smith's escape scene. I like that the trial had monsters from other episodes but I wondered why they couldn't show more episodes from season one on the viewscreen. Although very Smith-centered, this installment wasn't overbearing in that. The scene with the monster at the beginning, bringing the box was excellent and somewhat funny but not overdone. The entire story is inspired and I like that the Jupiter campsite is turned into a mini prison area with spotlights and all. Why the aliens couldn't hear or see all around the campsite is a bit silly--since they had technology to bring people to and from the courtroom. They should have been able to hear and see...this would ruin most of the story though. Perhaps the FUNNIEST LINE ever is when the Robot utters, "I think I am going to be sick,"  in reaction to Smith saying he is near perfect and like an angel. Mark Goddard makes the most of his part in this episode and it is all the better for it. Guy Williams is also quite good in a role that really didn't require the daring do he usually is so good at. A more sedate episode, it is the circumstances that are interesting, less action oriented but also less comical than, say SPACE CIRCUS. One noteworthy thing is that no one seems to recall how bad Smith really was--in ISLAND IN THE SKY, THERE WERE GIANTS IN THE EARTH, and THE HUNGRY SEA, it seemed as if they all knew Smith was bad...maybe they didn't know he was the saboteur who used the Robot but there were hints they did know...and they certainly know what he tried to do in ISLAND IN THE SKY...his "reformation"  couldn't have been forgotten, nor can most of his bad deeds. Even in later episodes, some of them seem to recall (mostly Don---THE COLONISTS) Smith's bad deeds--Don says, "Sabotage is your favorite sport"  in THE COLONISTS and in JUNKYARD OF SPACE, Don warns Smith if he "up to his old tricks."  Here, in PRISONERS OF SPACE, all seem a bit too forgetful of some of what Smith was to blame for. The Smith of this episode is certainly not the killer of aliens that he was in THE DERELICT--he is softer now, not really a coldhearted man--although in THIEF FROM OUTER SPACE he would order the Robot to destroy on sight any aliens he sees--which Robot couldn't do. There is also the fact that the current Smith is very unhappy with guns--he refused one in THE GHOST PLANET and will do so in the future.         

     

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE ANDROID MACHINE

WRITERS-BOB AND WANDA DUNCAN

DIR-DON RICHARDSON

 

NARRATION: Last week, as you recall, we left Dr. Smith peacefully dozing while on a field trip with Will, Penny, and the Robot. All were unaware that nearby lay a machine capable of producing incredible, metallic creatures from another world.

 

TEASER-Fully recapped

Robot teaches Will and Penny lessons. "The plants on this planet do not follow the Earth method of transpiration. This plant, similar to an Earth cactus needs no moisture at all."  Smith, laying nearby against a rock, calls the Robot a tiresome thesaurus--and wonders why the Robot was chosen as their teacher when he is available. Penny and Will tell him he is supposed to be quiet when the Robot is teaching. Smith gets up and moves off, going to another area--where he finds a tree (blue trees and bushes) covered rectangular alien machine. Penny looks, "Where'd Dr. Smith go?"  Will says, "Search me."  Penny moves off to find him as he experiments with the machine which he thinks is a painting device, showing pictures on a screen. Robot and Will come. Robot warns, "Alien transpiration machine. Do not touch it!"  Smith tells him to be quiet, calling him a gregarious gremlin. Smith presses a button to print the picture. Lightning and thunder come out of no where. Penny, followed by Will and Smith run to a rock as blasts occur and smoke hits the rock. A blast occurs and a silver dressed, silver skinned female humanoid figure appears--robotic and android-like, hands up--in a tube device. The Robot computes her as an android--a machine but there is an element which does not compute. Penny is the first to speak to her as the tube opens and her eyes do as well. She says her name is Verda and she is tuned to Smith's psychic frequency. Smith calls her an unearthly creature and tells her to stay away from him, "Stay away from me, Madam!"   Verda moves at him, "I am yours--forever."

 

ACT ONE   

Judy (her hair in a braid) goes to the drillsite where Don and John are, telling them about the android. They tell and show her a cave where a nocturnal monster lives--telling her to warn the others not to come near this area--they haven't had a chance to hunt it down yet--and if it doesn't bother them they are not going to bother it. It has three toes. Judy leaves, they put up a sign about the area being off limits. John tells them they have three canisters and need five for blast off. Don says, "That old magic number, five again."  John wants Don to set the drill on auto--he wants to take a look at the android. Verda, in the control room explains about herself--model RDS remote unit made by the Andromedan civilization. Verda asks to go--she must prepare a footbath for Dr. Smith. After she goes, Maureen says she seems pleasant to have around even if she gives a strange appearance. Judy figures a little makeup should take care of that. Maureen tells John she is very good with the children. John worries someone may come demanding payment for her but he doesn't think she is dangerous. Verda's left hand heats Smith's foot water; her right hand cools it. Smith fans himself as Verda admires a flower of which there are none on her planet. By mistake, she freezes Smith's foot water. Verda follows Smith later. There is an octopus like tree they pass. They overhear a lesson from the robot. Penny and Will sit at tables and Robot uses a map on a blackboard just outside the spaceship and explains about Columbus on October 12th, 1492. Smith calls the Robot a pedagogical pipsqueak and ignominious ignoramus, claiming Columbus found America in 1493, even coming up with a Smith rhyme to back this up. Smith will have to rewire the Robot. Will says, "Dr. Smith..."   Smith says, "Don't try to defend him, William..."   Robot makes a wager--Dr. Smith will sit in class and keep quiet if he is wrong. Smith calls him a jangling junkheap, then tries to con Verda into proving it was 1493 but she claims it is 1492. He calls a perfidious creature. She says, "I am not programmed to lie."  Verda then tells the Robot she is a 56 Tauron computer while he is an analog and digital computer with no intergalactic history (NOTE: In future episodes, he seems to have intergalactic information). Verda asks if he can teach Androbedian geometry, the calculus of Orion, the anti gravity theory of Deemus (accompanied by extremely silly music!). Verda takes the Robot's pointer, now teaching the children. Smith sleeps. Robot leaves. Verda points to the blackboard map and makes the universe appear, moving star systems and all. The first creature to leave his home skies for the unparalleled skies of the universe was the explorer Formaral of the 5th planet of Orion, a small planet. The people there told him he would be eaten by the monsters in space and that his rocket would never escape the pull of gravity of their world. In the 6000th year of his planet--while it was still autumn, he took off in a spaceship of his own making. He was not as fortunate as the Earthling's Columbus. Judy comes out and sees this, calling mom to; telling her Verda is teaching them the history of the universe. Maureen says, "Oh yes,"  as if she knows all about it! ? Judy wonders--shouldn't they learn about the Earth first? Maureen says, "No, Judy, I think perhaps she's right-the Earth is a small place and very far away-this is the world in which the children are growing up--perhaps they should learn about this place first."  Night--Smith and Robot go to the machine near the rocks. Smith says, "For once, my bosom companion, I find that we can agree on something."  Robot and Smith conspire to dispose of Verda. Robot tells Smith the Robinsons would take Verda when they leave this planet which would mean they would need more fuel. Smith doesn't think so but then realizes the Robot is right--the Robinsons would take her. Smith plays with the machine to try to send her back but on the screen appears a fly-man, humanoid, bent legs and two heads. Robot stops the device before the monster appears. He talks loud. Smith calls him a bellicose bumpkin and to be quiet. Smith leads him to the cave where John's sign: DANGER-STAY CLEAR OF THIS AREA is. Robot warns him but Smith calls him a nervous ninny. He thinks it is just an overgrown groundhog to emphasize John and Don's bravery (INDEED!). Smith finds three unusual plants and places them in line with the cave, each getting progressively closer. He wants to show Verda that she has not come to a paradise and wants to frighten her. He will talk her into taking the children on a nature walk. The green crusty skinned monster with large red glowing eyes, fins, and a large cranium comes out of the cave toward Smith. Robot yells, "Danger!"  about four times. Smith screams and falls.

 

ACT TWO

Robot blasts the monster and it runs away. Smith awakens and Robot helps him up, "Are you alright?"  Smith calls him a floundering flunky, then tells him he pushed him. Morning--John, Don, and Maureen eat a mushroom breakfast. Smith hears his name being bandied about and comes out--he missed breakfast; Maureen notes he looks pale. Smith claims it is due to his serving his fellow castaways. He eats mushrooms and eggs. Maureen tells him the children are transforming Verda now. Smith feels she can only go from dismal to disaster. Penny and Judy in their cabin, have makeup on Verda, who wonders if Dr. Smith, her master, will appreciate it. Penny says, "I'm not sure that he'll ever be appreciative of anyone."  She shows Verda her face in mirror. MR. NOBODY music. Judy says, "You are one of us, Verda,"  when Verda comments she almost looks like one of them. She is unit 12-RDS, worth 100 calastros. Smith is ready to go to his hydraulic experiment. Judy and Penny bring Verda out (the ramp looks a bit different-more height to it maybe); Smith tells Maureen androids don't eat--they take on fuel. Smith takes Verda off with him. Maureen says, "You know, she doesn't look any different at all to me."  Judy says, "Well, we tried, mother."  Smith and Verda arrive at the water device. Smith calls Robot a ponderous plumber. He is designing a device to get pure water from a rock. Smith goes on about how hostile a planet this is and that she should feel fear and want to return to her former place. She is not programmed to feel fear but has a self preservation circuit. Smith suggests  Verda take the kids on a nature walk but warns her about the loathsome creatures that abound here. Verda tries to help with the water problem and makes water, accidentally, pour out onto Smith foot. He empties his boot, "You've done it again, madam."  Robot laughs. Later, Verda has the children on a nature hike. She makes a flower which is very small--so small it cannot be seen by human eyes--appear larger--magnified for Will and Penny to see. Will laughs and Penny too. They explain laughing to her. She puts the flower back to the way it was before, "To keep the beauty of nature, one must never change it."  SPACE CIRCUS  "sensitive" music. Penny explains the word happy to Verda and she asks which muscles they use to laugh. They find Smith in a costume--with a hat which cannot come off his head--a kind of THREE MUSKETEERS outfit. Penny laughs and asks if he is going to a costume party. Smith says, "Certainly not, missy!"  Smith leads the three toward the cave area with a point of his finger. Robot warns him after they go--they will be in extreme danger, "I will go with them."  Smith stops him, calling him a simple simon, Verda can take care of herself--she has powers. He doesn't know this for sure. Verda tells the kids that she has made a study of the flowers on this planet---they live on air alone. Penny and Will warn her about what dad said about the creature that lives in this cave. It comes out as she gets too close to the last flower planted by Smith. The monster confronts her. She faces it and blocks it from the kids, "Run children! Run!"  Penny runs, Will, a bit behind her, follows! Verda faces the monster as it comes out further!

 

ACT THREE

Penny and Will run to Don and John at the drillsite. Will says, "The monster's got Miss Verda, dad!"  They bring John and Don back to the cave area. "Verda, get back!"  John yells, firing his laser rifle and making the monster vanish in a blast and a pop. John, Penny, Will, and Don move down the hill to Verda near the cave entrance. Verda doesn't understand sacrifice but seems to be starting to. John is grateful for what she did. Verda feels strange but tells John, "Yes, I'm alright."  Penny tells them Dr. Smith said it would be all right to come here. Smith removes a feather from the hat, calling Robot a defective detective. Two buttons order the merchandise, pushing three might make the merchandise be sent back or removed. Smith tries it. A voice says his complaint is received. Lightning and wind hit as a spaceship seems to be approaching. Robot says, "Warning! Alien spacecraft approaching!"  Smith yells, "What have you got me into now?"  Robot says, "Warning! Alien spacecraft landing!"  A giant elevator on a podium appears--it is elevator 4823 level, three millionth galaxy. The complaint manager for CDS-celestial department store 17 is here--Zumdish, a small man with a pencil moustache and a seemingly friendly but sneaky smile, a tie and tails. Smith calls his name an odd one. Zumdish drops his smile, his ears move as he explains the problem. The vending machine is outmoded. Zumdish makes Smith's own clothes appear and the costume vanish. Smith wants to complain about Verda, "SOME TIME AGO, I ordered an android..."  Zumdish calls her Model 1-65-8. He is here for the credit department to pick up the bill for Verda--100 celestials ($89.95). Collection from this planet is difficult. Smith will not pay. The security guard, a great big, stocky bald man in suit, pushes his hand on Smith's shoulder, making Smith go down and up. Zumdish says, "Shame on you."  He looks at the Robot and calls it primitive. The Robot's bubble goes down. Robot tells Zumdish that Verda took his pointer as Smith explains that Verda is defective. When Zumdish demands a look at her, Smith leads the two aliens to the Jupiter, mocking the Robot, "Pointer indeed!"  John and Maureen are at table just in front of the door--they have four canisters of fuel and need one more. John says, "That's right, one more and we're on our way to Alpha Centauri."  Maureen asks John who is going to the drillsite to tell Judy and Will to get home before dark. When John spots Zumidish and Smith arriving with the Security Guard and Robot, he tells her to take the fuel inside and tell Penny and Verda to stay inside. Zumdish clicks his heels together when he meets John, who has a laser rifle ready. John asks Smith, "What're you up to now, Smith?"  Zumdish warns John he is in no position to do anything--and as for the Robot---his kind were melted down by his people a century ago. John will let Zumdish examine her but the Security guard stays outside. Zumdish agrees and when they go, the Robot says, "Melted down---IN...DEED."  In the control room, Zumdish examines Verda. John snaps at Smith to wait outside when Smith keeps trying to sway Zumdish. Zumdish agrees with Smith--she is shoddy. He will take her back to the salvage department and her circuits will be used in models--she will be taken apart! Penny gasps, "No, I won't let you!!!"  John and Maureen send her to her cabin. John wants to leave Verda here for now--he wants time to talk it over with the rest of the family and decide. Zumdish says, "With one wave of my hand, I can have this ship disintegrated."  John says, "You might but we're still gonna discuss it."   Zumdish gives him five minutes the end of which they are ordered to... "Deliver the android to me or be destroyed."   Zumdish laughs and goes out, "Dee..stroyed."  Maureen watches him go, "Oh, John, do you really believe that HE can destroy the spaceship?"  John says, "Welp, it's quite possible."  She asks, "Then what are you going to do?"  John says, "I don't know--I honestly don't know."  Zumdish looks at his watch as they look out at him.

 

ACT FOUR

John and the others talk in the Control Room. John tells Don to let Smith talk his piece. Will wants to trade something for her--detronium's the universal currency he thinks. Judy and Penny agree. John lets them know what they are asking, "We're within one canister of blasting off this planet--if Zumidish accepts our offer, we may never leave this planet."  Smith argues, telling them Verda isn't even human. Maureen says, "I'm not so sure of that..."  Verda is crying. Don thinks they should put it to a vote. All vote for keeping Verda and trading the fuel...except Smith. Even the Robot puts up a claw and arm. Smith goes past him, "You traitor!"  He walks out a door behind the Robot. John takes the detronium box with cans in it out to Zumdish, telling him they like her as she is. He offers one can of detronium but Zumdish, sampling it, deems it crude and it would have be refined 100 times before he could use it. John trumps up with two cans. Zumdish seems about to accept when Maureen runs out, telling him Penny and Verda are gone, "Penny was so afraid they'd take Verda away."  They went out the escape hatch, one the viewers never see. As Don comes out with laser rifles, John and he take off; Maureen is told by Zumdish his security guard is designed to track androids. Zumdish pops his hand over his open mouth and the guard runs off. Zumdish tells John, as they search, that the guard is not programmed to fight unless attacked. Don joins up with them. Penny and Verda hide behind a large rock. Verda asks if all humans are like Penny and her family. Penny answers, "Yes, I'd say so, just about."  Verda comments, "Then I think it would be very nice to be human."   Penny throws a rock at the shoulder and back of the guard, who turns and fires a laser beam from his index finger, blasting at the rock. Penny asks if she can do something, Verda says, "She's just a machine."  Penny insists, "But you're not just a machine, you're not!"  Verda attacks the guard with a rock in her hand. Zumdish stops her and the guard. John calls, "Penny!"  Penny calls, "Here daddy--I'm all right."  Verda tells Zumdish she does many things she never was programmed for and demands he will not take their fuel from them. She tells him she will go back with him, she doesn't want to stay here anymore. John tells him a deal is a deal, "Can't you see what she's doing?"  Zumdish goes on and on. John asks, "Zumdish, what are you talking about?"  Zumdish tells them she is really a deluxe model 77, close to human now, and much wanted and needed throughout space. She will not be brought to the scrap heap. Verda and the kids declare their love for one another. Zumdish says, "Love hah!"  Verda tells them, "I'd love to stay but there are many places where I am needed more and you're going to be leaving this planet soon."  Don wonders about who to punish Smith--have him drawn and quartered or boiled in oil. John thinks it would be interesting either way. Penny laughs. We hear a brief bit of Chariot music. Smith has the Robot pulling the machine away. Robot tells him, "It does not belong to you."  Smith declares he is only borrowing it, "By ordering more Verdas and training them as I did the first one..."  he plans to make a 900 dollar profit as well as "helping"  Mr. Zumdish. At the elevator ship, (elevator ship, indeed!), Zumdish is curious about losing a machine. Don looks about, knowing it was Smith. John says, "Don't worry, Mr. Zumdish, we'll get your machine back for you."  Zumdish is not worried--he's just never had one stolen before. He snaps his fingers and the machine appears near them in a blast--Dr. Smith's face on the screen, cartoon like. Maureen asks, "Is he alright?"  Zumdish says, "Yes,"  and tells them they should order him if they want to keep him, before someone else from some other planet orders him. Verda tells the kids goodbye, she loves them both and that they can visit her someday. Will says, "Goodbye,"  as hugs them both. Penny looks at her one last time and says, "Verda, goodbye."  Verda blows a kiss to her and leaves. Will and Penny run as the elevator blasts off, smoke and all. Don jokes but with Judy lets Smith out. A human board and tube appear, with Smith in it. Smith looks at Judy, "Hello."  He dreamt he was merchandise. Don says, "Oh sure, Smith, in the bargain basement."   Smith complains that his barbs will never hurt him. He moves off and the others all laugh--a bit too much. It's not that funny. So there.

 

CLIFFHANGER: High on a cliff overlooking the back of the Chariot, Will goes up to Dr. Smith and the Robot. He hands cutters to Smith at the weather station on the plateau. Smith cuts the wire and throws the tool. Robot warns he did not fix the wires of the sensitizer. Smith tells him it is perfect and they pick up the tools. Will says, "Oh, hi dad."   "Hello son,"  John comes up, "Welp, how's it going, Smith?"  Smith is ready to relay it to the Jupiter II and pushes it, having the honor of doing this by John. It blows up a bit--Smith leans on the Robot (this shot was used by Ted Turner's TBS station in the mid to late 1980s as a still to promote the show). Robot warns, "Attention! Attention! Alien approaching!"  A very large man, a veritable giant Smith says, walks to the area from another way. He is wearing a two piece outfit with his stomach bare, sleeveless top tunic and folds his arms. John looks, "He doesn't seem hostile. Let's find out what he's doing here."  Smith wonders, "We've had experience with these strange space creatures before you know."  (Not sure which aliens he is referring to but see the note below under THE DEADLY GAMES OF GAMMA SIX referring to Barney Slater's THE SKY IS FALLING, THE CHALLENGE, and FOLLOW THE LEADER). Will says he probably doesn't understand us. John moves to offer his hand--that's the universal gesture of peace and friendship. Smith says, "Oh, it's an excellent idea."  The giant man pulls John down and they fight low to the ground. The fight escalates upward. Smith gasps and pulls Will to the front of him. John ends up throwing the man down the hill. Will yells, "Dad lookout!"  Another giant man, similarly dressed, comes running to him and picks John up bodily over his head, ready to toss him!

 

TO BE CONTINUED NEXT WEEK SAME TIME SAME CHANNEL          

 

REVIEW: A mediocre script with just enough silliness to make it somewhat mundane but with enough clever sentimentality to make it better than most of the other second season episodes not to mention a great deal of third season episodes too. Dee Hardford as Verda plays it straight, almost completely and her transformation is believable as she is exposed to both the Robinsons' love and Smith's frailties. Smith is quite the villain at times again--deliberately making Verda and the kids run into the monster. Zumdish is at his most diabolical, a bit over the top but not so much that his menace cannot be believed. He is quite fun and will return in THE TOYMAKER and the awful TWO WEEKS IN SPACE (a  contender for one of the worst LOST IN SPACE episodes--right down there with THE SPACE VIKINGS). Another toy machine would return in THE TOYMAKER and the Security Guard would return in THE TOYMAKER as well. Verda would return, more humanized, in REVOLT OF THE ANDROIDS. The entire talk about the Robinsons leaving the planet as  a group in the Jupiter II was a bit of a ruse really--they wouldn't be leaving for another 23 episodes. In the third season, THE CONDEMNED OF SPACE, the Jupiter II lifts off to avoid a comet hitting the planet. In the viewmaster reel of CONDEMNED OF SPACE, it was noted that the planet was destroyed by the comet (and Tiabo as well??? One can but hope). In any event, the spaceship would not be in any shape to lift off until CAVE OF THE WIZARDS and then they had to have a "window"  to lift off through. Why? Other things just don't make sense. How come Maureen seems to know what the history of the universe is as Verda teaches it? Perhaps finding that last canister of fuel would hinder the Robinsons' leaving as the drillsite is seen in THE QUESTING BEAST. THE ANDROID MACHINE is a good watch but not as thrilling as other episodes. Yet, it is memorable and gentle--except of course, that John lasers a poor cave creature to oblivion.              

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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