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LOST IN SPACE-Fugitives In Space, Space Beauty


Chase - Posted on 08 November 2009

FUGITIVES IN SPACE

Writer: Robert Hamner

Dir: Ezra Stone

 

TEASER

Quadrant Number 5 is a fiery place. Aliens, prisoners in chains, work on rocks with shovels and picks. Creech, an alien ape man with red hair, hits a guard with a shovel and chokes another. One guard shoots at the red ape as he leaves on a space cycle. He is the only one to get away. The black haired ape men do not get away. On another planet, a cold planet, Don and Smith have jackets on. Smith is reading a book as Don works. Don wants some help but Smith tells him he is just at the funny part. Don is carrying a heavy device and needs his help. He asks Smith to hit the piece; Smith asks with what; Don yells, "The hammer!"  Smith asks where is it. Don yells, "There!"  Smith asks, "There?" Don yells, "There!"  Smith hits the device and it falls over. Smith sees the ape man behind a rock on his back. Don will run to get the first aide kit from the Chariot. Smith says, "Hurry, I don't relish the prospect of staying here with this creature alive or dead."  The ape man grabs him from behind, "A sound and you're dead!!!"

 

7-6-5-4-3-2-1-

 

ACT ONE

WILD ADVENTURE opening credits music in a freeze frame. He was low on fuel and stalled out over this planet what he calls a freezing place. He gives Smith is striped shirt and takes Smith's jacket. Smith tried to refuse but Creech told him to take it off or he will take it off for him...with his arms still in the jacket! At this, Smith obeys. The ape man jumps over a rock and runs off. Smith puts on the alien jacket. A siren sounds and two men arrive from Prison Planet Destructon--thinking Smith is the escaped convict. Don arrives, "Okay, okay you'd better let him go."  Don is greatly tempted to let them take Smith and Smith looks natural in this jacket of stripes. One guard with helmet tells Don, "Interfere and you'll be destroyed!"   The Warden arrives, a fat man with blue outfit and funny helmet with sides sticking out of it. He tells the guards that this is not the prisoner but blames Smith and Don for helping the prisoner escape even though they didn't know he was a criminal. 42 B is the intergalactic penal code. Ignorance is no excuse. Smith tells them that Don did it--he is guilty. Smith claims to be an eyewitness but the Warden claims he did nothing about it. Don tries to get Smith. 863D it is a felony not to try to forcibly stop a person aiding and abetting a criminal. First Season backdrop to planet--Priplanus! Will is standing on the forcefield watching as the Warden and his two men bring Don and Smith back to the spaceship. Smith asks Will to find his father. John is away at the radar station. There are blue rocks in the background. In 500 years there have been 861 escapes attempted but none have been successful. All they will have time for is an instant trial. The Warden touches his belt and a skull angel judge--the skull metal device from TREASURE OF THE LOST PLANET with angel wings attached appears as does a whole mechanical courtroom--in pieces of furniture, all plastic like. "Hearye, hearye."  This is Judge 781. Will tells Don, "Don, we'll get you out of here in nothing flat."  Smith tells Will to forget about the Major. Don hits Smith back, "I won't forget about you either Smith!"  IRT intergalactic law is programmed into Robot whom Will thought also studied medicine, "I am a Robot of many tapes."  The Warden doesn't think Robot has a chance, "When I get my hands on prisoners, they stay that way."  781 Revised Model 94-E is a tough judge. Sticklers to the exact letter of the law. Smith says, "Oh sadness, oh sorrow."   Robot  put son his trail and detect tapes on, something he hasn't used for some time. He will find the escaped convict. Smith gives Will the jacket and Robot sniffs hit!!! He has electric sniff sense analyzers and will shift into auto track and secure. The Warden wants a lunch break anyway. Later, the trial starts and Will has to enter a computer punch card into the computer for the jury. First Circuit Computer Control Court begins. Don and Smith are found guilty. Just before sentencing, the Robot returns with Creech, the ape man saying, "My lips are sealed." It is against the code of the underground to sing. Creech acts like Smith was his accomplice, the jig is up, aye Smitty. They will all be sentenced to hard labor on the Prison Planet Destructon. Don is fingerprinted in the office on the other planet. On the wall are postings like WANTED DEAD ONLY with a picture of the alien from FOLLOW THE LEADER (Kanti) and a cyborg face on the wall. Smith pleads with Don, "Major, don't leave me!"  Don spouts, "Even if I had a choice in the matter, I still would."  The Warden tells Smith that he knows the criminal type and Smith is definitely the criminal type. Smith admits to a few falsehoods when necessary. The Warden tells him the penalty for that is 500 years. Rule Number One--don't contradict the Warden. He plays with a letter opener. This is the toughest prison planet in the entire galaxy. Smith claims to be gentle, kind, and never in a place like this before. "Zachary Smith is innocent."   He is known as Prisoner Number 756498273. Smith says, "Oh thank heavens my friends and family will never know."   He is to go to Quadrant 6 where it is 150 degrees, the worst quadrant, the blue eyed warden tells Smith. He and Don are taken in the viewing tube where it is air conditioned to watch Creech hit rocks with a hammer. When they exit, they find it just as hot as the Warden promised them. The rocks are red and there are small fires about. It is pleasantly air conditioned in the viewing tube just like the administration buildings they just left on the other side of the planet. But when they exit the viewing tube, even Don tells them it is unbearably hot, "How do you expect us to work in this heat?"  Smith wails, "I'm too young to die."   Don's number is the same as Smith's except for the last three numbers---those are 274. The chains are taken off but new chains are put on their ankles. Smith complains about being chained to this monster---Creech. As Smith sits, Creech picks up a rock and raises it above Smith's head to hit him. Smith says, "Oh, I feel a splitting headache coming on."

 

ACT TWO

Don stops Creech from beaning Smith but burns his hand slightly. Creech laughs at this, telling Don he has a low threshold of pain tolerance. Creech calls this existence a living death. Don feels they have to stay closer together to survive. It is early morning now but at noon it gets really hot. Twice as hot with a burning wind and no shade. Smith says, "I wanna go home."   Don tells him the others will figure out a way to get them out of here. Creech tells him there is no way out, no parole, no pardons. Don asks him how he can live without hope. Creech has hope--a way to escape. Don wants to stay put and get out legally. Creech makes Smith think they are condemned for life. He himself has been here 282 years, or was it 283 years---he cannot recall. Smith cries, "I'll be an old man by then, Major, you must get us out of this INFERNO."   Creech tells Smith he has escaped 100s of times. This time, he tells Don, he will not be brought back---this time he has friends on the outside. Don dissuades Smith from listening to Creech's plan. A guard appears in the viewing tube to watch them, making the rounds after an alarm goes off. Another alarm blow horn and he vanishes. An alarm goes off and a voice orders them to get back to work, they must meet their quota of work, "No work, no ice, no work, no ice."  If they work well enough, they are given a block of ice to sleep by at night. Smith moans about this but Creech tells him he will want it and that he better work, threatening him if he doesn't. Don and Creech start to hit rocks.

 

Jupiter II galley on the lower deck: The Robot bakes a cake for his pal Zachary--"To my pal Zachary, MANY HAPPY RETURNS."  He sings, "Patty cake, patty cake, baker's man, make me a cake as fast as you can, roll, and mark it with icing, put it in the oven for Dr. Smith and Major West."  He wears a chef's hat. "This is fun."  He laughs and sings, makes poems and rhythms. Will comes to him and chastises him, "How can you carry on as if nothing's happened when Don and Dr. Smith are going to spend the rest of their lives in prison!"  Robot has performed well in the culinary arts. He has a triple layer surprise chocolate maple cake--an angel food cake. Robot tries to dismiss Will, "These things do not concern you,"  he tells him as Will starts to pry into the cake. Less yeast will make the cake rise. Will, when the Robot is gone for a moment, lights a match to the cake's candles. Robot returns and pulls Will over to the elevator as the cake blows up and shoots cake all over Robot, who protected Will. Cake is on the Robot. Will says, "I thought you were programmed for LAW AND ORDER."  Robot is programmed for fairness and what has happened to the Major and Dr. Smith is not fair. Will will help him clean up and make another cake.

 

Creech, Don, and Smith have an ice block in the evening. Creech says again he is over 283 years old and asks them if they don't regenerate. "We Caldorans from Zandor regenerate when killed."  He has died 11 or 12 times since he got to the prison planet, he can't remember. Don tells Smith to THINK COOL, to which Smith says, "I must think cool."                     

 

A guard reports to the Warden that the prisoners in Quadrant 6 have been talking alot. The Warden calls himself the Greatest Warden in the Galaxy. Then he calls himself the Greatest Warden in the Universe. He knows the prisoners there are planning an escape. 83 years ago, he asks the guard who knew about the mass escape in Quadrant 10 and stopped it. The Warden did. To think, his mother wanted him to be a dentist. He mentions a dip in the swimming pool. He will put a molecular vaporizing field around Devil's Quadrant which is where the prisoners will undoubtedly go---and when they try to pass it, "Zap...three little piles of ashes."

 

ACT THREE

Don hasn't shaved. Smith is shaving with a knife which Creech calls Morican's pig sticker---which was used to slit the throats of three guards before they vaporized him. Smith gasps and drops it. Creech gives Smith a hammer to do work. Smith drops it but Creech makes him take it even though Smith tries to con him out of making him do work. "Zachary Smith will not have it said that he was shirking his responsibilities."   Creech threatens Smith if Smith doesn't do his share of the work now. Will and the Robot appear in the tube with a guard. Creech tells Don and Smith as they move, "It's too hot to move fast."   Smith calls Robot a pot bellied prankster when he finds out the Robot baked him a cake. It is not even his birthday. Will tells Smith that it isn't too hot in the tube--it is even a little chilly. Robot feels his joints are stiff from the cold and Smith asks him to stop shivering. Will tells Smith they will never stop trying to get a pardon for Don and he. The guard tastes the cake and the Robot tells him it is an old family recipe. The guard will let Robot give it to Smith if on the next visitor's day, he will bake the guard and the boys (the other guards) a cake, too. Smith calls Robot an iron born ingrate and a booby. Will tells Smith to take the cake, "It'll be a blast, a REAL blast!"  Robot goes to sets it down but the guard, smelling something fishy now, shoots the cake with his sonic gun and it flies out of the Robot's hands and blows up. "Whoops, I guess I must have put in too much yeast," Robot puts his hands up as the guard takes him off at gun point along with Will. Smith says, "That blithering bumpkin!"  Creech continues to drone on about escaping even moreso now that their friends have just made it more difficult for them here--the Warden will not make it easy on them now that this happened. Don tells Smith not to listen to Creech about escape but Creech goes on about how they can be millionaires---he has deteronium out there. Smith would like to get his hands on that stash but Don tries to convince Smith again and again not to listen to Creech. Smith finally gives in and stands up, "I'll do it! I'll escape with you!"  Creech tells Don if he doesn't want to come with them, they will drag his dead body along after them. Smith tells the Major not to be difficult---it's must too hot to be dragging him along after them. Don says, "That's what I like about you, Smith, you're all heart."  From behind, Creech hits Don's head with a small rock and knocks him out. Smith says, "You shouldn't have done that!"  Creech carries Don over his shoulder and carries him out as he tosses a hammer at the station post which blows up as he and Smith make their escape.

 

ACT FOUR

The Warden talks to Will and the Robot in the administration office on the other side of the planet. Will tells the Warden, "But it's not fair, they're not guilty--they were FRAMED."  Robot tells the Warden they are innocent. The Warden agrees, "Very plainly and very simply they were FRAMED."  He needs valuable information from Creech, info that he hopes Don and Smith will get. He also wants Creech to lead him to those accomplices. Will tells him he hasn't the right to play with the lives of two innocent men. "I have the right to do anything. Here I am in command."  The guard tells the Warden that the prisoners are missing but the Warden warns him not to sound the escape sirens. He knows the three are heading for Devil's Quadrant. The Warden says everything is going just as he planned and, "I love it!" Will and the Robot plan to go after Don and Smith too. Don, Creech, and Smith walk. Don tells Smith, "He's using you, Smith."  Smith tells Creech, "I'm with you all the way to the bank." Smith moves on ahead of both of them, Don recovering from the blow to the head he took, Creech just stopped. When Smith trips, he leans on a rock in front of him and asks Creech why he isn't following. Creech tells him--Quadrant 6 has rumors that---Devil's Quadrant is mined with subatomic charges. Don tells Smith to get up and move back step by step, following in his own footprints first left, then right. Don continues to direct him until he is out of the mine, with a few close calls for Smith, who has a small rock in his hand. As a student of penology, Smith brags that there probably is no mine field---it's just a scare rumor. He throws the rock and it blows up on the mine field. Don tells Smith that that was, "...just a scare rumor going up in smoke, Smith."   Smith is mad there is no way to all those millions. Creech says, "Oh, sure there's way, right through the minefield."  Don urges them both to go back. A fight breaks out between Don and Creech. Don and the alien ape man fight with punches. Smith holds a rock over Creech's head to hit him as Don and Creech fight. Don gets Creech down but is kicked off, then tackles the alien. Don is thrown and then hit down and is knocked out again. Smith tries to hit Creech but the alien grapples with him and the rock falls onto the mine field and explodes. Creech gets an idea, "When he comes to, I'll use him as a guinea pig to lead the way through the minefield."  Smith is horrified, "NO, no, I won't let you do that. I mean he won't let you do that." 

 

Robot stops Will, detecting a radioactive material ahead--a part of the minefield. Robot will detonate the mines but if they are over 10 albatrones he may be destroyed. He can withstand under ten. Will tries to stop Robot from going on ahead but Robot goes and blasts occur in front of him. Each time he gives Will a reading on what the blast was--an 8, 6, 9, 11.3, and 12.1. He comes to the end of the minefield. Will asks if he is all right. He needs a push from Will to go on. Will obeys.

 

Smith refuses a knife from Creech. They are almost at the end of a canyon, they are through the minefield and they see a sign that says WELCOME YOU ARE NOW ENTERING DEVIL'S QUADRANT. Don is up again and tells Smith not to walk across a line that Creech tells him is where the treasures are. Creech hits Don's head with a rock. Smith asks the Major if he is all right and tells Creech, "Oh good heavens, you are a wicked thing."  Creech gets the chains off of their ankles with a rock, "Get your foot up," he keeps harassing Smith who finally yells, "Here, here!"  Smith won't go with him---he has to take care of the Major. After getting the chains off, Creech asks Smith to come with him again but Smith refuses, "I can't. I can't leave him here like this."   As Creech tries to remove the chains, Smith pined away, "Oh dear, why can't things be simple and uncomplicated for me?"   "Okay, have it your way,"  Creech moves across the line not realizing the sign post behind the welcome part reads FAREWELL YOU ARE NOW LEAVING DEVIL'S QUADRANT. Before Creech is blown to atoms, Will and Robot arrived, Will yelling for him to stop. Smith watched as Creech turned and waved Will off. Will calls, "Dr. Smith stop!"  Creech is blown to sparks. As Will helps Do up, the Warden and two guards appear on space cycles. Smith moans, "No, no, I will not go back to that terrible place!"  The Warden tells them, "You're all heroes."  He captured the gang and found the stolen detronium. He gives them a complete pardon and knew about this place all along. He thanks them. Smith says, "Thank you indeed." He also gives them five silver pieces and new boots and clothing (silver space suits? their old clothes?). Smith says something like, "If we never meet again it'll be much too soon!"  The Warden tells them, laughing, directing it at Smith, that if they find they cannot make it in the outside world, "The Warden's Warden has a warm place for you."  Smith nearly passes out, Don laughs. Warden laughs. WE DON'T.   

 

"Next week, mystery on a fantastic planet where Judy enters a strange beauty contest without knowing it can cost her her life!"

 

"Next week SPACE BEAUTY on LOST IN SPACE!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SPACE BEAUTY

Writer: Jackson Gillis

Dir: Irving J. Moore

Music: Joseph Mullendore

 

10 o'clock and all is well as Robot sounds, on guard. "Good evening, Major West," Robot greets Don as Don waves at him and goes into the spaceship Jupiter II. Armor wearing aliens appear behind the Robot: two with metal helmets and black capes. They vanish as Robot turns and appear behind him, "Halt, who goes there?"  The two appear the doorway at the top of the ramp. A blast from them hits the Robot out. The lights in the control room go out and Don thinks this is some time for that to happen. He moves to put on the reserves and finds them out also. He goes to move outside to get the Robot but a finger point from the alien knight heads emits a sound and he falls and it out after seeing them. The two vanish but must be invisible as the elevator moves down. The aliens look at Smith sleeping with a hat on--a night cap with a pom pom which moves up with his snoring. The cabin door to Will's room opens. One of the aliens keep saying, "That one?"  with the other alien answering, "No, not that one."  Penny is asleep in an orange outfit; Judy in a yellow one. They are sleeping in the same cabin on two separate bed. When they hear sounds they think are voices, they get up and go out of their cabin curtain door. It is dark and they figure the power is out but Don will fix it in the morning. The girls have a candle. Judy waits a moment before Penny goes back into their room. She closes the door. The two aliens reappear in front of it. "That one?"  "Yes, that one is a definite possibility."

 

7-6-5-4-3-2-1-

 

ACT ONE

Morning--Don is in a chair and opens a first aid kit so Judy can apply salve. Penny comes up in the elevator, "Good morning."  Don guesses he tripped and Judy jokes, "When I came upstairs this morning, there was our brave leader lying flat on the floor."  Nothing crossed their radar net thus Don figures it was a cosmic electrical disturbance. The Robot was affected also but is all right now. Will calls Don outside. All three go out where Will labors over a weather device which he and Don are working on. Judy jokes, "The rainmakers, why don't you put on some feathers and do a little dance."  Don tells them, "This is nothing to kid about, the drought is getting worse."  Penny jokes, "Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink."   Don says, "Listen you two, if you have nothing better to contribute why don't you check out the radar site."   Penny and Judy laugh and go. Smith comes out and complains about the noisy bursts the shots from the machine into the sky are making. He thinks they might hit some lonely high flying bird or a poor unfortunate traveller in space. Suddenly a blast hits and everything goes dark with a thunder burst, "I knew it, the whole SKY IS FALLING!"  The ground shook and Don pulled Will down. Robot coughs. Judy and Penny, away off from the Jupiter Two, look around in total night darkness. They hear blasts and wonder what happened. A voice sounds out from all around, asking them if they are the only life forms on this planet and if they are, they won't do at all. Penny listens, "I've heard that voice before someplace."   Judy says, "So have I."   The voice asks what they are saying and a form appears--Mr. Farnum B! "Judy, the fair Judy and Penny, my child! Imagine finding you both here!"   Judy laughs, "Well, it's a small universe!"  A humanoid girl appears on a rock and holding a strange gun and wearing a garish (even for LOST IN SPACE) tight outfit. Judy says it looks humanoid but Farnum tells her, "Don't be ridiculous."  She comes down and introduces herself as Nancy Pie Squared. Farnum frowns, "And she'll be cubed if she doesn't hustle up someone on this planet for their backer."   She is his agent. Their backer sent them both here to find contestants. Judy and Penny ask about what the contestants are for and what the show is. When Farnum mentions light, Judy asks, "Speaking of light, what did you do with all of ours?"   He takes out a ball with an antenna that comes out of it. He makes the light come on and it is day again. His backer thought there might be some light sensitive life forms here that would show up in the night. Farnum tells them he was once proprietor of a lowly zoo but now runs a beauty pageant. NO MENTION OF OGGO. The pageant is to be called Miss Galaxy. Farnum frowns, "What a pity neither one of you qualifies." 

 

Later, Will drags Dr. Smith to find Farnum. Smith doesn't want to find him---the alien merely must want to borrow or steal something from them. The pair run into an alien woman who has a lot of hair on her face. Smith screams and holds Will. Farnum arrives and gives Will an ice cream. Smith says, "Well, Mr. Farnum, I see your back."  Farnum sneers too and makes caviar and champagne appear, thinking that Dr. Smith wants these from him for free. Smith balks at this but adds, "Howsomeever,"  and drinks, commenting that it is domestic. The alien woman is Miss Outer Detronium. Farnum mentions the dubious planet of his backer reappearing. He shows them the beauty pageant area where a Metaluna faced alien woman is (THIS ISLAND EARTH movie mask which was also used in A TRIP TO HADES). A spiked creature lady with monster face is there also. The backer is a lover of beauty inhabiting a new dark planet floating around---a strange shadowy world that must house the most powerful creatures in the heavens. Will tells Farnum that "My dad's kinda worried about it."   Smith adds, "And so am I."   Farnum believes it is run by a deadly dictator  but his agent got this job by radio so he has never seen his backer and doesn't know what type of life form he is or what the backer will find beautiful. He introduces them to Miss Moon Floss and Miss Inner Platinum. Also Miss K-14 who has six arms! Nancy arrives with a lady fish face. She then tells a grumbling Farnum that there is not much growing on this planet. They need an amphibian though and will give her a photo contract. Smith shakes hands with Nancy and he talks to Miss Fish Tail! He says, "Charming my dear, I hope that you will win."   Nancy doesn't want to be rude and sends her on her way to the contest prep. She tells Farnum he didn't have to be rude. None are pretty enough. "If you were a fish would you think that a grizzly bear were beautiful?"   They don't know what the backer will like. The advance men of the backer picked out this planet to come to which makes Farnum and Nancy curious as to why. Will thinks it will take years and years to sign up every type of life form. Will follows Farnum into his dark spaceship and sees the photo and contract put into a machine which makes 1000 sqaundros come out of a ram's head over a cuplet--they looks like gold coins. Farnum says now he can leave and move on from this planet (which has backdrops of mixtures of the first season and second season planets!). There seems to be a painting of a woman--who looks suspiciously like Angelique from DARK SHADOWS 1968 storyline. In that painting, the two knight headed aliens appear inside. Farnum sees this and tells Will to go, "I've shown you too much already!"  He says, "Run, run boy!"  He sends Will out with no explanation. Will doesn't see the alien knight men. Farnum tells them, "I won't be intimidated."  He tells them about the new lady who has iridescent scales. They call the life forms he has secondary and tireless humanoids. They want the fair haired human girl from Earth. Farnum refuses and walks out of the curtains area, "No dictator can pull me around like a puppet on a string."  The aliens make him just that--hanging with strings on his outfit and pulling him about. Nancy comes, "What's the trouble, boys?"   Farnum must deliver today. Farnum wants to break the contract but she tells him he can't---to get it, she sold the backer his soul. Fire is under Farnum and he yells. We hear Waltz of the Valkeryies music (THE SPACE VIKINGS music maybe?).

 

ACT TWO

Nancy figures she is wrong about the Highness not liking humanoids. Clause 15 has to do with Farnum's soul. Nancy offers her own picture but it is refused. She guesses that they want Judy's soul, too. Farnum tells himself he will do what he has to do: cheat, lie, his soul is the masters, "Who cares about Judy Robinson anyhow!" He will obey.

 

In the Jupiter 2 control room, Judy refuses Farnum and will not join the contest. On her contract it says 1988. A beauty contest is just not her style.

 

Outside, Smith chides Will for idol stargazing at the spectrum telescope set up. Will is doing anything but. He is trying to find out more about the planet and what life forms exist on it. Smith says, "I have no interest in alien life forms, be it here, there or wheresoever."  The other planet has a methane 67 gas layer, surface is radioactive cobalt. Farnum comes out of the ship and ease dropping, tells them a reptilian life form could or might survive on such a planet. Smith says, "I loathe reptiles."   Farnum wants a pocket dragon. Smith tells him, "You yourself meet the requirements,"  of a reptile life form. Farnum knows where there is a dragon lady but she almost scratched his head off. Smith says, "A quite natural reaction, bully for her."  Will thinks he can get the dragon lady to join the contest, "You don't have two sisters like I do. We'll use butter."   What!? The dragon lady is green and Will uses bait--a mirror put onto a rock so the dragon lady can admire herself while Will whistles at her. This proves she is a girl. Will tells the other two, "She thinks she's pretty."   Farnum calls William a genius and they sign her up. Farnum tells Will when he and Smith inquire about how much he will get for this, "Ohhhhahhhh, half."   That is 500 squandros. Will says, "Thanks,"  happily. Will and Farnum put her contract into the machine and find the dragon is a semi finalist. NOTE: Will's hair is not really red in this episode, it is more brown and a bit longer. Farnum explains the process to Dr. Smith and then cons Smith, quite expertly, to get Judy to enter.

 

Later and in Farnum's open spaceship, Smith with a photo of Judy and the contract, forges Judy's signature while Farnum and Nancy watch from the curtains. Smith invokes the power of attorney while doing this. Will is there, too, and tries to stop him from doing this. Smith says, "You will thank me for it in the long run. You will all thanks me, Judy will thank me."  He puts it into the machine and dials it up and in goes the photo and contract. She is accepted. Farnum laughs evilly but stops short. An ADDAMS FAMILY Lurch bell sounds--a fog horn sound. Green smoke from the ram head knocks Smith down to a chair. The two knights appear---Judy must sign the contract and enter the contest of her own free will. If she doesn't get signed, they threaten that "your planet will be nothing." 

 

In the Jupiter, Farnum is frantic. He gets genuine gopheron fur to appear and jewels, diamonds, rubies can be her's and he makes a diamond and rubies and jewels appear--from Farnum to Judy if she signs and becomes part of the contest. Penny interrupts, "Why is it so important to you, Mr. Farnum?"   Farnum snaps at her suspicions, "YOU Keep out of this!"   Farnum drops the diamond and furs and everything else and rushes out. Penny picks up all he dropped. Farnum goes outside to the rocks to Smith, who has been observing him and deems Farnum's trying hopeless. It is not for Smith, Smith tells Farnum, "Now do stand aside as a consummate master of his craft takes over."  Smith goes to Judy who has come outside and tells her that the whole idea of Judy being in a beauty contest is silly and he asks if the Major heard it. Don, who is working nearby asks about it and Smith asks him if the idea is silly to him. Smith adds, "We could all do with a good laugh right about now."   Don says that idea is silly--of her parading around and Smith adds it is ridiculous. Don moves off to work. Smith picks up the contract and adds that Judy couldn't possibly win and rips one contract up, topping it off with, "I wouldn't dream of disobeying the Major's orders."  Judy's anger builds and she yells, "His orders!? I'll show him!"  She takes it and signs it as Smith watches, triumphant. From the rocks, Farnum watches much more evilly and his face turns devil red as he watches, laughing with evil intent and greed and selfishness.

 

ACT THREE

Inside Farnum's dark ship, the contest is set up. Nancy worries what will happen if Judy wins. Farnum tells her he will get his soul back and the first thing he is going to do is fire his agent--Nancy! The contestants are there including the hairy faced alien lady. Penny is there with a group of flags, "Gosh is there really one flag here from every planet?"   It is patriotic. Smith goes to Nancy--wanting someone besides Judy to win, wanting to collect the prize money for himself as proxy. His reasoning is that the highness must be more advanced than anyone in "our wretched galaxy."  Feathers? The beauty of science, he pitches to Nancy, a computerized girl who never talks back---the Robot. But he is male, Nancy reminds Smith. Robot comments, "Check and double check!"  Smith promises a few arrangements and rerecordings will fix that. The Robot can have a sweet dainty voice, Smith saying, "Her,"  when referring to the Robot. Robot: "It does not compute!"   Nancy and Smith take the Robot, flanking him on his sides, one per side. They vanish into the darkness. Don goes into the Jupiter II and calls, "Judy?"  He has found the fallen contract Farnum dropped in the control room or the one outside. The second door inside is used in the control room. He starts to read the contract, sitting. Judy is done up and made up. Penny says that she bets Don will notice her now. Judy just hopes he is not too mad. Penny starts to practice or sing her song but Smith stops the proceedings from beginning. He presents Miss Mechanical Marvel--the Robot in a female blond wig and Nancy's voice. Will says, "A girl---it's a girl Robot!"  The Robot in Nancy voice says of angry Farnum, who thought Smith was trying to pull something, "Well, I never."  Farnum thinks it is a female Robot and apologizes, "Oh Zack, Smitty,"  he begs of Smith to put the upset and sensitive female Robot into the contest. Robot goes onto the second pedestal. Everyone laughs at the Robot. Will says, "Oh no! I can't stand it!" 

 

In the Jupiter, Don gets up, "That dirty double crossing..."    Smith comes in the doors opening for him, "Major, Major! A starship has just landed!"   Don hands Smith the contract, asks if he has read the fine print, and when Smith acknowledges he has not, Don tells him to read the fine print. The winner of the contest must live in the master's galaxy forever. Don arrives and tries to explain to Judy and pulls her arm to get her to get out of here but Farnum arrives and starts the proceedings. Farnum has a hat on and gives a candelabra to Judy to hold. Two knights come out of the dark, they have on their long black capes and seem to float. The ruler appears--the Master--he is a full Knight in full armor. Penny starts to nervously sing HERE'S TO THEE but the knight leader stops her. "For ten thousand years, we have searched for such beauty."  One of the secondary knights points and floors Don, who was trying to stop them from approaching Judy. The ruler moves at Judy--it is she who will their Miss Galaxy, "You who will come live with us forever."  He lifts his visor and is fire. Farnum looks, "He's nothing but fire!"   The ruler tells Judy they have been looking for such cool, cool beauty as her's. Judy gasps and nearly passes out as he comes closer but she falls but does not pass out. Penny and Will run to her. Will yells, "Get away from her, get away!"    Farnum steps in to help it would seem. He stalls the majesty, telling him that his heated brow, handsome visage, flashing eyes is too much for her at the moment. The knight will give him ten minutes to compose her, "But beware Farnum,"  the other secondary knights say after the ruler vanishes, "...if she is not ready, you and this whole planet will be destroyed...in flames."  Instead of vanishing, the knights back off into the darkness.

 

ACT FOUR

Farnum, Nancy, Don, Judy, Penny, and Will come running into the Jupiter II's control room with the Robot, who drops off all the feminine garb. Smith asks the Major what is happening. All systems are ready for an attack. Don orders Will and the girls below. Will says, "Oh c'mon!"  Don insists and they go. Smith gasps, "Oh good heavens, they're approaching! Saints preserve us,"  but when Nancy sees that the men are carrying the prize money, Smith says, "Saints preserve it!"   Don turns the already on forcefield up to a double current. Robot claims the leader is immune. Smith says, "Major, the lasers!"  Don moves to them but tells them if they fire, the alien will know it is war. Smith suggests, "Major, that ridiculous rain contraption of yours, it might work!"   Don and Smith listen to Farnum who will go out and stall the ruler and his men, happily, almost too happily. Nancy grabs Farnum, and explains, "No, he'll double cross us, I sold them his soul!"   Farnum swats her off, "Get off me you stupid girl! I'm coming, master!"  He yells out and moves to leave but Don grabs him and punches him down. Don looks, "All right, Smith, it looks like it's up to you!"   Smith turns to the Robot, "Me? Certainly not. He knows I'm not strong enough."   Robot pushes him, "You heard him. Now move!"  Smith complains, "Just you wait!"    Don goes out to the weather device and starts it. Smith goes out to the top of the ramp and gives the "ninny"  the female garb. Robot goes inside to put them back on. Smith waves to the aliens, "Just tidying up! I come in peace."   The ruler thanks him for the warm welcome. "Ahh, the forcefield,"  Smith nods. When they ask what Don is doing, Smith tells them it is music he is making, "Isn't it beautiful?"   "I do not know,"  the ruler tells him. Smith introduces himself as the doctor of intergalactic and environmental psychology. As Judy's doctor, Smith cons them that she is susceptible to fevers. What they really need is a beauty queen who can stand up to 400 Fahrenheit, inadvertently calling the Robot a HE but correcting it to, "I mean she can."  Robot comes out with Nancy and they try to fool the aliens. Don looks up, "C'mon, baby, give us some rain."  Robot is packed. The leader has had enough and as Don moves at him with a wrench, the alien raises a gloved hand, "Enough!"  Don freezes as does Nancy, the Robot, and Smith. The second knight holds up the contract as the ruler tells him to summon her. Judy. Judy is frozen as well but she starts to walk past a frozen Penny to go upstairs. THE MUSIC HERE IS SUPERB and is a variation on more used LOST music. Judy goes up on the elevator. Judy goes out the ramp and down, holding her arm out now as the ruler asks her to take his hand. He puts his arm up and takes his glove off--a long line of fire comes out of his sleeve! Judy moves toward it. But it slowly starts to snow. Farnum comes out past the frozen Nancy, Robot, and Smith and starts to laugh evilly. As the snow continues, Judy starts to come out of the trance. The fire goes out and the aliens smoke and fall. Farnum is also smoking. The aliens are gone, colded out. Smith and Don run to Judy to watch the alien go up in smoke. Farnum cries, "Stars and garters, I got my soul back. Judy, Judy my child, are you all right?"   Judy nods. Smith frowns, "Stars and garters my foot!"

 

 

Later, Farnum is glad the girls have forgiven him. Don comes back--he repaired Farnum's spaceship and it is ready to take off. Judy promises never to be in a beauty pageant contest ever again. Don asks if that is a promise to which Judy smiles, "Well, it was kind of fun."   Nancy admits it is nice to get noticed for a change. She claims the boss--Farnum--has even forgiven her for selling his soul. He says, "Nonsense," he just doesn't want to lose a good agent, that's all. He is on the next show. He waves his hand and his top hat appears, "No rest for the wicked you know."  He and Nancy say goodbye and leave. Their ship lifts off. Don tells the girls, "We've got some work of our own to do."   He and the girls move off. Smith calls Farnum a pompous poppajay, "It is devoutly to be wished that we never see him again."    Robot says in a female voice of Nancy, "Good riddens,"  then clears his throat and says, "Good riddens."  Will and Smith frown.             

 

"FLAMING PLANETS on LOST IN SPACE right here on this channel!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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